


Yoshiko: Hidden Under the Act (Yohane: the Act Protecting the Weak)

by aethkr



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project, Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Feels Train, Fluff and Angst, Slow Burn, Yoshiko-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-03-01 15:47:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13298109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aethkr/pseuds/aethkr
Summary: Ever since she was young, Yohane knew she was someone special. She knew that she was destined for greatness. She was destined to become the greatest fallen angel there is, recruiting little demons under her wing. Her legion would conquer the world! Her army would rise to the highest point, toppling any other who dare stand in their way.Ever since she was young, Yoshiko knew she was nothing special. She knew that there was nothing awaiting her. She was expected to be just another person walking on the sideway, no one would give her a second glance, walking past her as if they haven’t acknowledged her existence. She has no one by her side. She has no one to turn to. She can’t rise to the top, for she knows she has nothing to fight for.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I personally headcanon (like some others? i dunno) that Yohane is something made by Yoshiko to deal with her problems.
> 
> Another headcanon is that Yoshiko loves her mother very much and would do anything to spend time with her since she doesn't really get the chance to do so.
> 
> And also, Yoshiko doesn't have a father (cuz he died, im really cruel) which is another reason why Yohane was summoned from the depths of hell.
> 
> Btw, I can't nail her very expanded vocabulary when she talks in Yohane since I don't know many complex words but I'll try. 
> 
> That's all!

_“I always wanted to be able to step forward. I always wanted to be able to understand why I couldn’t.”_

 

Yoshiko Tsushima. Yohane Tsushima. Sometimes she doesn’t know who she even was anymore. It frightened her, but she made one of them up for a reason. To cope with her loneliness.

Sometimes, Yoshiko wondered what was she supposed to do in her life.

Sometimes, Yohane wondered what things her _little demons_ could do for her.

 

One isn’t like the other. One is self-conscious, while one is confident. _Overly-confident_ some would say, but Yoshiko didn’t mind. Yohane was like that for a reason, and she wasn’t ashamed to show that. Having confidence was something she lacked, she always thought that she wasn’t that important. If something was wrong, she would hide it for the longest time. She would at times allow it to eat her alive. It hurts, but what can she do?

 

Now that her mother enrolled her to Uranohoshi High, Yoshiko couldn’t do anything but be scared, or maybe nervous? Introduction wasn’t her forte. It kind of is, but not when she’s Yoshiko. Well, she doesn’t really remember introducing herself as Yoshiko. She always told others that she was Yohane……and she was okay with it. When she was younger, some kids would find it cool. After all, kids are more prone to believing made up lies than teens.

It was only until she grew older that she realized how her peers would glance at her at times and would say some kind of nasty remark. It wasn’t really that ‘nasty’ so to speak, but they would say that she was weird. Yoshiko knows this, she _is_ weird. Though her weirdness wasn’t accepted by many, soon marking her as a _‘loner’_. Hanamaru, her friend during her younger years, would always accept Yoshiko (or Yohane) how she was. And now, the very girl who made sure that Yoshiko wouldn’t feel down wasn’t by her side. It made her nervous.

 

“Okay okay, settle down class, we have a transferee today.” Yoshiko was thrown back into reality. Oh yeah, she has to introduce herself. _Darn it_.

Yoshiko came up to the front and stood uncomfortably for a few seconds. She contemplated if she should introduce herself as Yoshiko or Yohane. _But I always introduce myself as Yohane so—_

Before she knew it, Yohane introduced herself. “Ku ku ku……”

The teacher looked at her in confusion. “Um….ahem, your name is…Yoshiko Tsushima right?”

“ _Yohane_! I am Yohane, the fallen angel.”

“Huh?”

“I fell from the heavens because the gods above couldn’t accept my overwhelming power and beauty. One day, I will be able to return to the sky and not be amongst mortals.”

As Yohane made her introduction, a student smiled to herself. “Yoshiko-chan never changed….zura.”

——

“Yoshiko-chan!”

……

“Yoshiko-chan!”

 

Hanamaru sighed for what seemed like the umpteenth time. Aqours had a meeting about their next performance but it wasn’t until the meeting was over till they all realized that Yoshiko wasn’t even paying attention. Much to most of their relief, Hanamaru and Ruby promised to make sure that Yoshiko will know what has been going on and will fill her in on what she missed.

 

“Eh?” Yohane smirked and flashed her signature pose. “Ku ku ku…..what are my little demons doing here? Basking in this fallen angel’s presence perhaps? It is an honor to be seeing such loyal slaves under my command. It seems highly unlikely that no one will be able to prevent someone such as I when it comes to dominating the whole planet! Ku ku ku…”

 

“Uhh……we had a meeting about our next live…” Yohane saw Hanamaru nodding at Ruby’s comment. “You weren’t paying attention…”

“I wasn’t?” Yoshiko asked, both Hanamaru and Ruby nodded. “Ah, sorry..”

“It’s okay zura.” Hanamaru flashed her a smile. “It was obvious anyway. I wonder what Yoshiko-chan was wondering about anyway….hmm….”

“Ehh?” Yoshiko diverted her eyes away from Hanamaru. “I wasn’t thinking about anything shameful or some—“

“I never said that was the case,” Hanamaru said, the glint in her eyes teasing Yoshiko for falling for her trick. “Gullible Yoshiko-chan.”

Yoshiko huffed while the other two had a giggle fit.

Times like this was what Yoshiko desperately wanted. She wanted the chance to be herself and to have fun with her friends. She wanted the chance to let her persona go and just be herself. She wanted to know what was the feeling of introducing herself as _Yoshiko Tsushima_. She wanted to know what is the feeling of not having any weird gimmick that others would find odd. Times like this made her cry. It made her cry because she was very thankful that she had friends that accepted her for who she is.

But whatever she does, she can’t combine Yoshiko and Yohane into one being. It’s like having two souls in one body. This was her life. A life filled with nervousness, weird gimmicks, and the like.

Though one day she wishes that she’ll finally be able to become one with her other self. That one day she’ll be able to act as either person, and that the reason for doing so isn’t just because she’s trying to cover up things she never wanted to reveal.

 

 _One day_.

 

——

 

“You ready to head home Yoshiko-chan?” Yō tapped on her friend’s shoulder. “The bus is near.”

Yoshiko jumped. “Ah! Yeah, let’s go.”

 

The bus stopped and let the two board. They both sat at their usual spot: at the back. Yō took out her sketch pad and tried to think of some ideas for costumes; the ride wasn’t that bumpy so she was able to sketch with little mistakes only. The theme was something cute. It was vague, but she could make something out of it. If she remembered correctly actually, there wasn’t any theme. Yoshiko was too distracted and they spent the whole time trying to gain her attention but gave up at the end since Hanamaru and Ruby promised to tell Yoshiko what will happen. They spent too much of their time so only little details were shared and were discussed upon and Dia instead suggested to talk about it the day after.

Yoshiko was absorbed into a game that she downloaded a few days back. It was about tapping the notes to the rhythm according to the song. It was fun actually, since it required her full attention which allowed her thoughts to wander off to somewhere else for at least a minute or two.

Speaking of which, she was trying out how to introduce herself as Yoshiko. Though her classmates already know her as such, it wouldn’t hurt to practice for future encounters right? And besides, it would make her father proud.

Her father always thought of her as his angel. Yoshiko was the apple of his eye. Of course he loved her mother as well but he loves Yoshiko just as much. Her father always thought that Yoshiko was destined to be something amazing. Yoshiko was always someone amazing underneath, she just needed to let it out. But Yoshiko didn’t reach what her father expected, and that was okay. They accepted Yoshiko even though she wasn’t a shining star. If humans can make mistakes, angels probably can too.

For Yoshiko, her father was someone she looked up to. She was just like Yō. Both looked up to their fathers. Yoshiko loved her father so much. He was the one who made sure that she would be okay and he was the one who taught her that sometimes, it’s okay to fall. It’s okay to fail. Mistakes are just a guide for the future.

When the word _father_ is said, she once thought of someone who was amazing. She thought of someone who would be always there for you. Someone who would never leave you.

Who knew that 15 years from now, a father is someone who can leave you at any time. Her mother? She became busy, after the death of her husband, she needed to support her family. Yoshiko didn’t have that much time to spend with her and every time she did, she treasured it so so much. But even that wasn’t able to help Yoshiko in dealing with loss.

That was how Yohane stepped in and hugged Yoshiko, telling her that she’ll be here. Whenever she is weak, Yohane will be able to stand in her place. All the grief and pain hidden under a mask. That was Yohane: the act protecting the weak. Though that was what made Yoshiko confused, after so long, is Yohane still an act?

 

Is the very thing that kept her ‘busy’, _still_ an act?


	2. Chapter 2

_“What’s the point of stepping out if you’re going to be pushed back in?”_

Yohane woke up in time to see the sun rising over her kingdom. Another day for the queen to stand amongst her beloved little demons! All the challengers that dare try to overrule her will be disintegrated without any hesitation! Such a thing doesn’t deserve to be in the presence of the Fallen Angel.

As she prepared her robe and her other important necessities, she headed out to that thing mortals called a ‘school’. Another day, Yohane smiled, she’s lucky to be one of them that saw the light of dawn.

 

“Yoshiko! Yoshiko!” Ruby shook her friend with some force, surprising Yoshiko. “I got a high score! Haha! I’m higher than you as well!”

Yoshiko huffed, Ruby was sure competitive when it comes to test scores. She doesn’t become like this with anyone else, so maybe she’s only like this with them? Yoshiko smiled, _you don’t get to see this side of Ruby every day_.

Her test score was decent. As expected of her, she was studious, though she didn’t really show it. Yohane always seemed to cover it up with her antics. Not that Yoshiko is complaining, not that Yoshiko could _actually_ bad-mouth her own self now can she?

“What’s your score Zuramaru?” Sniffles. “Zuramaru?”

“I didn’t pass…” Hanamaru wiped the tears forming from her eyes. It came as a shock to both Ruby and Yoshiko, they always had high marks among their class. Ruby usually had the highest since she follows from her sister, who is excellent at her studies. Hanamaru showed her test paper but her hands were holding on it as if she were about to fall from a cliff. “See?”

Once Ruby and Yoshiko had their eyes glued to her test paper, Hanamaru quickly stuffed it into her bag.

Her score was one point away from the passing grade.

“I wasn’t able to study well the day before..” Hanamaru sighed, fully recovered from the tears that once fell. She looked at her two friends’ face and saw that they were still surprised that she didn’t pass. “H-Hey now, I was busy and ended up sleeping before I could even read half of the material assigned to us!”

She was down, her body slumped and sighed once again.

“That’s okay!” Yoshiko said, standing up to add for dramatic effect. Some of her classmates looked at her and shared a giggle while Yoshiko could only swallow her embarrassment. Sitting down afterwards, she cleared her throat. “It’s okay that you failed. It’s through hardships that you’ll find success!”

Hanamaru looked at Yoshiko. “What have ya done to Yoshiko-chan, zura?!”

If you listened carefully enough, a sigh of relief could be heard from Ruby, who was sitting on the ground. Darn those seating arrangements.

“Ruby?”

“I thought your accent was gone for a moment there.”

“Nothing has happened to Yohane!” Yohane flashed her signature pose once again and chuckled. “Ku ku ku…..Yohane has an insurmountable amount of wisdom to bestow upon needy little demons such as Zuramaru! If you need something to discuss between the lairs of hell, feel free to approach me. I will happily assist you in your descent to darkness.”

Giggles from Ruby and Hanamaru respectively could be heard.

——

 _Oh look, it’s that fallen angel girl who thinks she’s so cool._ Yoshiko looked around, there wasn’t anyone particularly looking at her though. Why was it that she could feel their stares and maybe could probably hear their snarky remarks? _Yohane? Who’s that? Her imaginary friend?_

There wasn’t anyone talking about her. Not a single person looked at Yoshiko as she walked by, not a single person made a remark as she walked past. Her head is playing tricks on her again.

It isn’t enough to make her cry. As much as the bullies may attempt to break her, she never does. She’s used to it. She’s used to be teased on how it’s practically impossible to be a fallen angel. How it’s impossible to have powers. That everything Yohane does is a straight lie and a delusion from her head. Sure it stung, they were insulting someone that has become a part of her, a reason that made her go on despite everything.

She knew that Yohane was fake. She knows that.

Though that’ll never stop her from becoming her. Even though people would constantly try to crush her dreams to be an angel, she doesn’t care.

She’s used to it after all.

 

_“Do you ever have those moments where you feel like you’re part of something but people act as if you’ve never been included?” Yoshiko leaned on Hanamaru’s shoulder. “Like you’re there, but whatever you do, people give you a look then move on with their lives?”_

_“I wouldn’t really know, Yoshiko. I don’t really try to find attention zura.”_

_“Are you saying I’m seeking for attention?!” Yoshiko sat up and gave Hanamaru a teasing glare. “I’ll have you know Yohane simply has an appealing aura that makes little demons come out and serve her until the end of what you mortals call ‘time’.”_

_“Since when did your little demons devote themselves to you though? Don’t you think they would like a chubby leader?”_

_“Stop poking at my weight! Look at yours!”_

_“I’m not fat zura!”_

_Yoshiko opened her mouth to retort but decided that she’d rather bask in comfortable chatter again. “I never said you were.”_

_Hanamaru playfully smacked Yoshiko’s arm. “Hmpf!”_

_The two continued to tease each other and it was a good feeling. Yoshiko smiled, yeah, it’s a wonderful feeling._

Yoshiko shook her head as she nearly crashed into the wall. Misfortune kept on following her wherever she goes, though maybe she can take the blame for that, she was spacing out. She could hear the welcoming voices of her friends as she stepped foot on the rooftop. She smiled, now back in her comfort zone.

——

It wasn’t as if Yō was paying Yoshiko any mind for a long amount of time. She just noticed something off, like she always does, and decided to observe it. They were taking a break and Chika was currently talking to Riko. Of course she knew that she’d be welcome to join their conversation but seeing Yoshiko and how she interacts with her peers seem way more interesting. So much so that she found herself doing this every time they practiced.

Yoshiko for Yō, wasn’t one to express her emotions freely. It reminded her of herself. Yō wasn’t one with her emotions so she can have difficulty expressing them at times. Maybe everyone has this trait in them one way or another.

Since Yoshiko was with them, she could easily blend in and be comfortable. Though how was it if she were to be, for example, in a space where no one knew her? Like how Riko was in the beginning of the school year? Thinking about it, she could see Yoshiko’s similarities reflecting in Riko and others as well.

Yoshiko would use her Fallen Angel personality in order to gain at least some friends within class. It worked during preschool, since being someone who had powers and once having entered heaven was awesome! It slowly became the bane of her existence once elementary* hit. People found her delusional. She had her own world and it was all stuck in her head. Stuck in a place where no one would appreciate her creativity and only bash it for being something fake.

The backstory why Yoshiko has her Fallen Angel persona was never disclosed to Yō or as far as she knew, any of the members. It makes her wonder why she made it in the first place and even if she did, why does she want to live a ‘normal high school life’? Personally, there was nothing wrong with her being Yohane. It’s a side that is different from her usually shy and serious self.

Gaining friends were probably a problem for Yoshiko once she hit elementary. If people didn’t like how she seemed like, then friends would be at a low number. If Yō thinks about it, Yoshiko must be happy having friends that care for her and her wellbeing. Friends that accept her for who she is and doesn’t judge her as a person. Yō knew that friends were a problem for Yoshiko since Hanamaru sometimes delves into those little details that some usually overlook.

Yoshiko’s life story is a complete opposite of Yō’s. Sure, there may be some similarities here and there but they are more different than similar. Yō has a life filled with fangirls chasing her around school because she’s immensely popular. On Valentines’ day, she gets many letters from said fangirls. Yoshiko….doesn’t have the same fanbase Yō has. Like Ruby and Hanamaru, she lives a life of being reserved. They stick to themselves and interact only when necessary.

Being alone was something Yō found herself in at times, it’s sometimes a good thing. To be able to be alone with your thoughts. But that’s also scary.

Yō could see how Yoshiko wants to be one of those _kids_ who are popular. Yoshiko _is_ popular, just not in the way that she would’ve wanted. Is this why she acts as Yohane? Because Yohane is everything Yoshiko isn’t?

 

Yohane is the sun, and Yoshiko is the moon. Both shine bright, just that one can shine on their own, while the other needs the help of another.

 

——

“Yō?” Riko tapped her friend’s shoulder. She’s been staring at Yoshiko for quite some time, and with a confused yet somber look as well. Was something wrong? Riko chuckled to herself, Yō’s lucky that Yoshiko hasn’t noticed this silver-haired girl looking at her for the past 5 minutes. Oh right, they were taking a break. Thank god for 15 minute breaks, they still have 10 minutes to spare.

“Yō.” Riko’s voice raised a bit and was more straight-forward. “Yō!”

“Eh? Ah? Ehh?!” Yō lost her focus and nearly hit her head to the wall she was sitting against. “Rikoo! Don’t surprise me like that!”

 _Cute_ , Riko thought as Yō crossed her arms and huffed. “It’s not my fault! You were staring at Yocchan* for the past 5 minutes! You’re lucky she didn’t notice you yet.”

Yō took it into consideration and nodded, understanding her friend’s logic. “I guess you can say that.”

 

Yō subconsciously leaned on Riko’s shoulder, letting out a sigh. “Hey Riko?”

“Yeah?” Riko asked, simultaneously watching Chika practicing steps that she had difficulty on. “What’s wrong?”

“Is it hard to fit in?”

“Come again?”

Yō sat up and twiddled with her fingers. “Is it hard to fit in with the crowd?”

“I guess it does, why?”

“Umm…”

“This is about Yocchan isn’t it?”

“You see right through me don’t you?” Yō stuck out her tongue and rubbed the back of her head. _Indeed she is cute_ , Riko thought, Yō’s face was adorable. “Yeah, it’s about her.”

“Hmm….I guess it is. It depends really. You’re known for your high-diving ability and have lived here for quite some time so I wouldn’t blame you if you forgot the feeling.”

“Rikoo….this isn’t about me.”

“Right right.” Riko chuckled. “When I came here, I didn’t really expect to fit in with everyone. You all nearly knew each other and were even on a first name basis, where would I belong? I play the piano and I’m quite intelligent, so I could be on my own and I’d be fine. When Chika asked me to join Aqours, I was initially hesitant. Though once I joined, I was happy. I was able to fit in with people and make friends. I guess it’s difficult to fit in when you’re so used to being on your own.”

She stopped to catch her breathe and continued. “Sure I talk to others now but that was because of you guys. Besides, it’s you and Chika who usually take the lead, not me. I’m quite reserved, and shy. I guess that’s why I can get along with Yocchan quite well? The other first-years seem to exhibit similar behavior. They’re ones to wait for someone to approach them rather the other way around. Again, joining Aqours was one of the best choices I’ve ever chosen, I found friends that I could rely on. I found inspiration to play the piano again, and a reason that told me all my struggle up to this point was all part of a bigger plan for me in the future. I guess it’s difficult to fit in, especially when no one wants to reach out to you, especially when you’re really shy, especially when you think people think of you as ‘that other girl’ who sits in your class every day. I’m speaking on my behalf, and not Yocchan. But I think she would have a similar explanation.”

“Mhm.” Yō had her eyes on her and the intense gaze she was giving Riko surprised her. “Yō.”

“ _Amazing_.” Yō smiled and Riko looked away in embarrassment. “You sounded so cool and I couldn’t help but feel mesmerized by it.”

“Woah, big word. Where did you get that from?” There was a glint in Riko’s eyes that taunted Yō. “The dictionary? Didn’t know you read those.”

“Are you insulting me?” Yō crossed her arms. “Hmpf!”

Though Yō couldn’t keep up her act and shared giggles with Riko.

 

“Guys! Break time’s over!” Dia called the others as they returned to practicing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * - I use elementary because that's the term I'm more familiar with. Besides, there's also bullying there so it works with the story....I guess?
> 
> * - I'm keeping Riko and Yoshiko's nicknames for each other.
> 
> * * *
> 
> You makes her debut! Hopefully I was able to make sense out of the incoherent mess that is Riko's speech earlier.
> 
> This took one whole day to do. The things you can achieve if you
> 
> ### believe
> 
> Also, I haven't been using dialogue tags as often as I used to. I freaked out about this for like, a minute or so. I couldn't stop laughing. If you don't believe me, check my other stories, lack of dialogue tags are evident. 
> 
> I should stop talking about that because as I'm writing this, I feel like I'm about to freak out about my lack of dialogue tag usage again. Not now. Not now.
> 
> Comments and kudos are highly appreciated! :>>


	3. Chapter 3

_“I can see the light, but I can never grab it.”_

“So much for trying to feel not lonely.”

Yoshiko sighed, many boxes piling up around her. “Would it have been better if dad never died?”

Her question went unanswered, another black feather goes into a box. She didn’t have _that_ much stuff, so to speak, most of them are because of her Yohane persona. They were all feathers, costumes, or maybe some thing for a ‘ritual’ that she has probably done more times than she can count.

Another box is closed, set aside to rest in the corners of the room.

 

3AM, a time normal for nocturnal people like her. She had school today, nevertheless, she continued to pack.

No, she wasn’t leaving. If you had noticed it already, she’s storing away a part of her.

 

Before Yoshiko decided that she should take a small nap to make up for the lack of sleep, she set aside one outfit that she loves dearly.

She had a plan tonight: she’s going to stream for the last time tonight. She had some doubts, but it was going to be okay. People love Yohane. But there are others who don’t see Yohane the same way her fans do, it’s starting to get to her, Yohane was supposed to be for fun. Yohane exists so that Yoshiko didn’t have to feel lonely anymore. Yohane exists to help other people like her, to help others who feel as if no one’s there for them. Why do people hate on things that are supposed to be positive? It’s a question she could never answer.

But maybe, Yoshiko thought, that should’ve been expected.

 

 

“Yoshiko!” Hanamaru greeted the girl as she sat down. “Good morning!”

Yoshiko didn’t spare her a glance and sat down. “Hey.”

“Something wrong zura?”

“Nothing………..” Yoshiko pulled out something…. _homework_?  Something was off, but Hanamaru couldn’t pinpoint it. “I haven’t done my homework yet…. That’s all.”

 “Anyway, Zuramaru.” Yoshiko switched eye contact between her homework and Hanamaru until the girl in question understood her.

Yoshiko had to hold a laugh when she saw Hanamaru’s disappointed face.

“I worked hard on my homework zura! Why didn’t you…” Yoshiko had a smirk plastered on her face. “Okay, okay fine…”

“Yipee!”

“Yoshiko sure is energetic today!” Ruby smiled as she set her things down by her chair. Both Hanamaru and Ruby expected Yoshiko to correct her, seeing the girl’s mouth begin to open.

But the correction they have learned to love and cherish never came.

Hanamaru gave Ruby a look, her eyes quickly shifting from Ruby to Yoshiko then back to Ruby. Again, something seemed off about Yoshiko, but they couldn’t find out what it was.

“Yoshiko? Is something wrong? Did R-Ruby do something wrong to you that made you upset? Pigii! Maybe Hanamaru did it?”

“I didn’t do anything to her zura!”

“Well we’ll never know if we never ask!”

“E-Eh?? What are you talking about? I’m fine! I’m fine! You didn’t do anything wrong!”

 _You’re lying aren’t you? You don’t sigh when you’re_ fine _…_ Hanamaru shook her head and returned to her seat, gesturing to Ruby to do the same. _Yoshiko is weird today zura._

——

“Yoshiko!” Chika gave the girl a hug before pulling back. “Have you seen Yō anywhere around here? She told me she was just going to the restroom, but I haven’t found her since! I wonder where she is…” Before Yoshiko could give Chika an answer, the girl walked away, both while talking to herself and attempting to guess where her best friend has wandered off to. Anyhow, Yoshiko hoped for the best in Chika’s venture.

Among the people in the canteen, Yoshiko was able to spot Hanamaru and Ruby among them, she quietly walked towards them and gave them a greeting. It was odd, considering how she doesn’t really greets them, maybe she just wanted it to happen? Maybe, she doesn’t know. The only reason she could think of would only bring up things she’s trying to put away.

 “Yoshiko.” How many times has her name been called again? It’s getting repetitive at this rate.

Quickly munching down her food, Yoshiko looked up. “Hm?”

“Why aren’t you acting….as Yohane?”

“What?” Yoshiko felt weird. She hasn’t said that name for hours, and yet it feels like it’s been days. An unnecessary burden added to her chest, that was what’s happening.

“You know what I mean zura.”

“I just didn’t get enough sleep last night so I’m kind of tired….” Yoshiko shrugged and rubbed the back of her head, a small grin on her face. “I’m sorry, was it that obvious?”

“Nope, we were just worried zura.” Hanamaru glanced at Ruby who gave a soft nod, but they can’t shake off the feeling that Yoshiko was lying.

——

“ _Yoshiko!”_ Mari slung her arm around the girl, Yohane flashed her pose.

“ **It’s Yohane.** ” Yohane smirked, letting out a small chuckle. “Oh, Lily! How is my little demon doing on this fine, blissful day? Of course, being graced by the holy fallen angel that is Yohane would only bring forth nothing but delight to—”

“Yes yes…your little demon is very pleased to be enchanted by your presence.” Riko sighed.

Mari laughed as Riko turned away in embarrassment. “Yoshiko, you’ve been teaching Riko well!”

Guilty Kiss started to retrace their dance steps to which Hanamaru and Ruby watched from afar. Though Ruby and Hanamaru had their own dance steps to practice, they couldn’t help but give each other a look of reassurance, now being at ease that Yoshiko wasn’t trying to throw Yohane away.

She couldn’t do that. It would be a hit to not only their fans, but also to them, as friends.

 

But it was the only time Yohane appeared that day.

——

Hanamaru kept a close eye on Yoshiko, keeping track of when she’d switch. Others would call her weird, since what was the importance of tracking when someone would switch persona? And it _is_ weird, keeping track of when someone would act as someone else.

Though she never saw Yoshiko become her beloved mascot and it was irritating Hanamaru even more that Yoshiko was _happy_ despite that. Why would she be happy that she’s erasing a part of her?

Why is she happy about removing being someone whose the reason why she fought against her demons for so long? Hanamaru is not entirely sure if that’s Yoshiko’s intention, and if it ever is, it wouldn’t mean well.

“Ruby, here she comes.” Hanamaru has seen this scene take place many times, but it has gone to nowhere: to see Yoshiko arrive. Every instance she has tried to confront Yoshiko about it, but the girl is good at dodging questions as she is at pinpointing problems.

“Go and confront h-her.”

Yoshiko greeted the two, flashing them a smile that was surely real.

Hanamaru gave Ruby a look before hardening her expression. Yoshiko sighed once she saw Hanamaru’s eyes giving her a disapproving look.

 “Yoshiko.”

“I swear, if you’re going to ask that darn question again, I told you that it’s not your job to stick your nose in places where it doesn’t belong!”

Hanamaru gulped. Those words stung. “Oh, so is it _my_ fault that I’m trying to figure out what’s wrong? Is it my fault that I’m just trying to see through your cracks?!”

“There’s nothing wrong! What kind of _delusion_ has your brain played on you to think that I’m going through something since you _obviously_ have missed Yohane’s presence around these _precious_ school walls and that it’s _impossible_ for me to rid of her since it wouldn’t be well for the fans and for you all!

“Listen to me zura! You think that all because we’re not used to seeing Yohane as much as before would _still_ invalidate us into asking the reason why?!”

“ _You_ think that all because you don’t see Yohane lately you can just barge in?! Besides, you _don’t_ even know her! Heck, can I even say you know me? We’ve were classmates when we were kids, that’s all we had! It’s only a coincidence that we’ve met again! In a small town, it’s only a matter of time for us to see each other! We’re not in Tokyo Hanamaru. I _want_ to keep the reason why to myself. This is something I don’t need help with. So stop trying to butt in!”

“There’s nothing wrong in confiding with others Yoshiko! You keep thinking that you can do everything on your own, that you can deal with your problems without anyone interfering. _You_ need to know that sometimes, at least once in your life, there will be a challenge you can’t overcome by yourself! Learn to trust in your friends for once! That’s all you’ve ever wanted right? To have friends? To have friends who will be with you no matter what happens? To have friends who will care?”

Well, how can you have friends by your side if you push them away into the corner?!”

Tears ran down both of their faces and Hanamaru would’ve apologized for saying what she said, but Yoshiko’s hand has already met her cheek.

——

With all the first years trying their best to avoid each other (thank god for placing them in separate sub-units), practice continued like normal. No one knew of their fight, and they hope that will continue to be the case.

It was obvious that something was troubling Yoshiko, at least that was how the other two saw it. Riko seemed to have picked up on it as well.

Despite not being actively participating in yesterday’s events, Ruby felt responsible for not stopping them sooner. They would’ve been happily talking with each other, all problems resolved. Ruby is not sure if Yoshiko would’ve admitted to what she was doing, but that result is better than the situation they are in now.

“Ruby?” Chika tapped her shoulder. “You’re staring.”

“Ah? Was I?” Ruby had a small smile on her face. Behind her was Yō who was making sure she got the steps to their dance right—oh yeah, they were practicing. “Um…Ruby’s sorry.”

“Is something wrong with you and Yoshiko?” Chika followed Ruby’s eye and saw Yoshiko dancing along with Mari and Riko. “Did both of you fight? It’s weird to see you like this…. Hmm…and if I remember correctly, you and Hanamaru came here without Yoshiko. Ah! Is something really wrong?!”

“N-Nothing at all! I don’t know where you got that but Ruby swears that there isn’t really any problems with Yoshiko and me!” Ruby waved her hands dismissively, as if it would shoo Chika’s guesses away.

Chika didn’t buy it. “You’re lying.”

“E-Eh??” Ruby took a step back. “I’m serious!”

“Hmm….if you’re that insistent, then I won’t pry.” Chika gave Ruby a smile. “But you need to fix this….whatever you three are going through. Besides, it wouldn’t be nice if the others picked this up.”

Instead of retorting, Ruby nodded. Chika gave her a smile. “We should go back to Yō if we don’t want her to worry.”

——

“That’s enough for today everyone!” Dia clapped her hands, making her the center of attention. “Same time tomorrow!”

“Haaaa…..practice is finally over.” Yoshiko was beside Mari, who was further from the other first years.

Chika watched as Yoshiko got her things and went ahead, which is odd since she’d usually go to Hanamaru and Ruby then part ways once the bus arrives.

“Hanamaru?” Ruby approached the girl. “Yoshiko went ahead without us.” Ruby’s comment was answered by silence. “Hanamaru? Hanamaru wait up!”

“Is something wrong with those three?” Yō sighed, shaking her head. Chika simply shrugged her shoulders. “Chika?”

“They’ll be fine.” Chika smiled. “Don’t worry.”

——

_18:24_

Ruby was finishing up the final questions on her English assignment. It was simple, they haven’t indulged into confusing topics as of yet. Hopefully, when those come around, she’ll pass through exams with it through ease.

Her mother knocked on her door. “Ruby? Are you still awake?”

“Yeah…”

“Don’t stay up too late okay sweetie?”

“Ma…of course I won’t!”

“I’ll hold on to you on that.”

Footsteps could be heard slowly fading away. Her phone was ringing.

_Mrs….Tsushima?_

 

“H-Hello?”

“Hello? Is this Ruby?”

It took a few seconds for Ruby to reply with a quick ‘yes’. She couldn’t understand why Yoshiko’s mother called her. Has Yoshiko said something she shouldn’t? Was Ruby in trouble?

“That _Yohane_ thing that she tends to do. She hasn’t been doing it lately. I’ve went into her room and there are boxes in the corner. They’re all filled with those ‘fallen angel’ props. Is something wrong?”

“We’ve tried confronting her about it…” Ruby made a choice whether to include the result of their confrontation. “She didn’t tell us anything in the end.”

“Hmm….. I know this isn’t something I should be concerning myself with, but Yoshiko always made the effort to show off Yohane to me. It’s a big part of her I can tell.” Yoshiko’s mother sighed. “It puts me off that she’s not doing it as much as she used to.”

“…….Yeah..”

“But Ruby..”

“Yes?”

“If you ever find the reason why, please tell me.”

Mrs. Tsushima could hear Ruby saying “yes” before hanging up.

Wouldn’t it be better if her husband just didn’t die that day? She could see how much Yoshiko loved him and knowing that he passed away had never had a positive impact on the family. She has always yearned for being as close to Yoshiko like how close her husband is with their daughter. But ever since that day, that thought has only been a dream that will never reach its destination.

She could hear the door open.

 “I’m home.” Yoshiko kicked her shoes off and went to her room, locking the door behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg I actually updated (oh god i havent updated From the Dirt, 2 chapters coming up wait wait)
> 
> The world is thankful for editing. I guess 1 week is long enough. Anyhow, I'm quite confident that the part where Yoshiko and Hanamaru fought was good/great. It was short, but I think impact is better than longevity here (of course, the longer it is, the impact greatens). 
> 
> I took almost 3-4 days writing the chapter initially but I was able to edit it within a day??!?! What is this sorcery that made me stick to my Word document than going to Tumblr and scrolling for 15-30 minutes?!?!?
> 
> (flies to FoD outline)
> 
> Comments & Kudos are appreciated!
> 
> Check out my [Tumblr](https://aethurankr.tumblr.com/) for updates and all that stuff.


	4. {YouShiko}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im alive!!!!
> 
> also, my personal thoughts on this is, "ow"
> 
> this has no editing so sorry for the mistakes

_“It would be nice to see what lies on the other side.”_

 

When Yoshiko arrived home, there was a downcast look on her face. Like all her mistakes have come back to bite at her and drown her in the sea of guilt. Yoshiko’s mother looked at her daughter and once their eyes met, Yoshiko was happy to see her mother. She really was.

“Mommy!” It was clear how much she cared, from how she talked to how she acted. “I’ve missed you…”

Smiling, her mother pulled her into a hug. There was something about it that made her heart warm. Seeing her daughter look so happy was something she cherished and never wanted to forget. She wanted to etch the image into her brain, burn it into her mind. Yoshiko being happy was a miracle and deep down, she’s thankful for everything Aqours has done for her daughter. If it weren’t for them, Yoshiko wouldn’t be the smiling daughter she once thought she was.

So, it couldn’t have been them that forced her to pack up her most beloved things of all, right? It’s impossible.

“Aww…you’re so sweet.” She teased, Yoshiko didn’t know whether to pout or to laugh. Her mother was right after all. “If only you were like this even when we are outside the house…”

“That’s too embarrassing! They’d think I’m spoiled or something!”

“Why would they think you’re spoiled?”

“Mom!” Yoshiko looked away, tapping her foot.

Her mother was serious for a moment, Yoshiko gave her a confused and concerned look. “I wanted to talk to you about something. That’s why I tried to arrive early.”

Yoshiko gave no more response. This only made her mother frown. “About…Yohane… Why is her stuff packed in the corner?”

Her body stiffened at the name. Her eyes darted left to right, as if it was bringing back dreaded memories. It wasn’t such a bad thing. She could remember her friends encouraging her to be who she is, to be who she wanted to be. There was always a wall in the way though. There was always that wall preventing her. What disturbs her is that she doesn’t know how to take it down.

She’ll find out eventually. Problems aren’t solved from the get-go after all.

Her silence didn’t make anything better, but her mom knew better. “I asked your friends about it. They didn’t seem to know anything about it. At least that’s what Ruby told me.”

This wasn’t her business, Yoshiko thought. Sometimes she wished everything that happened between her and her friends stayed with them. Having others barge in and ask what’s wrong just serves to worsen everything. The second years have (obviously) noticed that something was up. It was expected, Chika was the first one to notice and she’s quite perceptive, despite her clumsy attitude.

Yoshiko couldn’t tell her mom to stay out of it. That her putting away Yohane’s things was her business and no one else should barge in and ask, “Why?” was something her mom should stay out of. She already did that with Hanamaru. She can’t risk straining the relationship of the only family she had left. She could remember Hanamaru looking so hurt when she talked back. She could remember Hanamaru’s mouth move to say sorry but the memory of hitting her cheek was so vivid in Yoshiko’s mind. She bit her lip, not wanting to cry.

“You know Yoshiko, it’d be nice if you opened up to me occasionally…” Her mother frowned, and a pang of guilt struck her. “But I just want you to know that this will pass, remember how we were so hung up on your father? Before, we thought we’d never get over him, right?”

Nod.

“Look at us now. We’re able to get on with our lives. That’s the best part. When we thought we would never get back up, we did. Soon you’ll be able to get past this point in your life. I’m sure of it. We’re living proof. But when you reach your limit, you have to let it out. Don’t stress yourself, that’s your promise to me okay?”

Yoshiko headed for her room, but her mother called her attention again. “Speaking of your father, do you want to visit him?”

She agreed, she hasn’t visited him for so long.

—

Once they arrived at his grave, it didn’t surprise them that a tear didn’t slide down. They’re have begun to move on, begun to understand that death doesn’t wait for anyone and that nothing will happen if you stay mourning over someone forever. Living in the past gives no room for the future. Her mother understands this, and she is happy that she isn’t the only one.

But this doesn’t remove the fact that they still miss him. They miss his smile, his laughter, his jokes, his affection and never-ending care. They miss him, but they have to learn to let go and live on.

They left with a lighter heart. Yoshiko’s mother hopes that going here meant something to Yoshiko, that her father will always be watching over her, whenever the occasion.

—

Not once has Yoshiko been afraid to go to school. She’s nervous, but never scared. Yoshiko wanted to stay at home, running away from her problems was what she did best after all. She fought with Hanamaru, slapped her even. It leaves a sour taste and no matter how many sweets she takes she can’t seem to remove it. Making matters worse, Ruby was close with Hanamaru. Sure, she can apologize to her and everything would be back to normal, but the challenge was a step too steep for her to take.

On second thought, Ruby would stick with Hanamaru. They were always close. Hanamaru was once her classmate but that didn’t seem to matter now. They’re not in the past. This is not the past. And since Ruby would ( _definitely_ ) be staying with Hanamaru at this point, she might as well avoid both completely. There would be no awkward silence or any forced chatter. It would be Yoshiko alone with her thoughts, just like how it was when her family started to fall apart.

Sadness struck her on the thought of Ruby staying with Hanamaru: yeah, she’d pick her, not Yoshiko.

Within a group of friends, there will always be a pair closer than the others. Within groups of 4, two pairs will be closer and eventually, the group will break off. Within the unfortunate event where the group is of three, two will get closer and leave the other behind. Yoshiko was sure that Ruby and Hanamaru would never really want to abandon or leave Yoshiko, but not all actions are recognized by its doer.

Maybe if she hadn’t just fought with Hanamaru. Maybe if she just didn’t fight back. Maybe if she just allowed her to speak. If she only did, everything would be okay. Not a crumbling mess, not a puzzle whose pieces are scattered across the floor, not a glass which has broken into sharp, painful shards.

It was irritating. Miscommunication was irritating. The sole cause why they were all hurting was because Yoshiko never had the guts to admit everything that was happening to her. She was one of those people who thought that you could progress in life all by yourself. Help from others is only a bonus when you’re lucky. Too bad she’s the fallen angel, luck isn’t in her vocabulary. She kept falling apart but there was no one who would put her back together.

“Oh, Yoshiko. You’re finally up.”

Since when was Yō here? Wait, how did she…

“Why are you here?” Ah…Yoshiko hadn’t mean to phrase it that way. She could see the surprise in Yō’s eyes. “Wait…I didn’t mean it that way! I meant, why are you here as in…like, why?”

Sighing, Yoshiko gave Yō a small smile. “Umm…you get what I mean, right?”

“I think?”

“Eh, that’s okay.” Yoshiko munched on her sandwich (prepared by her mother), savoring every bite. She wiped her mouth and gulped down a glass of water and wiped her mouth again (she doesn’t know why she had to wipe her mouth prior). “I don’t remember you going to come here….”

“Hehe, your mom messaged me to come over. Offered if I can accompany you to school. I mean I already do, in a sense, but like, accompany you including the part when you go to the bus stop.” Yō rubbed the back of her head. “I hope you don’t mind…”

“Umm….” The realization that she hasn’t taken a bath has struck her. “Wait for a bit… Okay? I haven’t...taken a bath.”

Yō held back a laugh as Yoshiko awkwardly walked to the bathroom.

The apartment wasn’t that bad. Although she won’t deny that it looked quite old. She chuckled softly, she didn’t want Yoshiko to know that. It was quite the surprise to see her right when she woke up. Yoshiko wasn’t a morning person, if memory serves her right. Is that why she said ‘finally’? Was it because she knew it would take long to wake up? Wait, what is she talking about? Nevertheless, it was an interesting side of Yoshiko to see. Yoshiko _was_ an interesting character, and Yō couldn’t possibly deny that.

There was that aura of Yoshiko that always seemed to draw her in. She thanked the lords above that not a single soul has caught her staring…except Riko. Yoshiko would go well with Riko, Yō mused. Both are shy, yet they can be confident when the time is right. She also thought Yoshiko would be a nice fit with Hanamaru or Ruby (but there’s their issue, so that really isn’t a possibility right now).

Yō could only laugh when she imagined Yoshiko dating her. Yoshiko and her? Her and Yoshiko? What is she thinking? Yoshiko would never fall for Yō (even though her chats with Chika one night—that’s a story for another time—said otherwise). Yō’s charming, sweet, and can sweep you right of your feet. That’s how everyone described her. She’s a heartthrob, basically, but the girl version… Along with Kanan, she nearly forgot Kanan. Although….Kanan seemed more smooth or suave and will definitely sweep you right off of your feet before you can even get the chance to say hello. Like, she’ll give you that look, or maybe a wink, then carry you home and do whatever to you—no wait, wait, wait, it’s definitely _NOT_ like that!

 _I’m hopeless huh_. Yō laughed, only to be greeted by Yoshiko’s both frightened and confused stare. “Yoshiko…?”

“What…have you done…to Yō?!”

“Wait what?”

“You were laughing for no reason! Who are you?”

“It’s me! Yō!”

“Then why were you laughing like some maniac? The Yō I know isn’t a maniac…unless, she’s lying to me…”

“Hold up, wait, shouldn’t you be changing? We’ll be late for class at this rate.”

There are two possibilities for this situation. One, Yoshiko’s serious. The other, she’s messing with Yō, and the girl would much rather prefer the latter.

Funnily enough, they were almost late for class. Yoshiko apologized for her antics and advised Yō to not go back to her house and bring her to school (or whatever errand her mother will request her to do). Yō told herself to not think so deep next time, but she still would like to go to Yoshiko’s place. Nothing’s stopping her from doing so, right?

_“Make sure you piece them back together.” There it was again. That shining resolve that Chika would always have when she set her eyes on something. She’s not going to back down, and she’s not going to be accepting a ‘no’ anytime soon. “Of course, Riko and I will be there to help! I’ll be with Ruby, Riko will be with Maru, and Yō, oh my dear Yō, you will be Yoshiko.”_

_Maybe it was because of how close they are, but that smirk Chika had was something Yō knew was to be feared. Her eyes hardened and everyone around them would think she’s mad at Chika. Thank god for best friends. “You have an ulterior motive…don’t you Chika?”_

_“Nah, what are you talking about?”_

_Chika only gave her a grin and a thumbs-up before catching up with Riko. “Good luck!”_

_Yō watched as the two went back home. “Heh.”_

_They_ will _piece back the first years. If they don’t, an unnecessary guilt will follow them for the rest of their lives. That may have been an exaggeration, Yō laughed. But that was their promise, they’ll do anything to help their sweet underclassmen._

_Even if it meant doing their best to extract information (and probably getting some weird stares???), the second-years are doing their best you know. Give them some credit._

——

Practice was going well, as usual. There was no sign of Hanamaru or Ruby going up to her to talk (was there really no sign?). There was no sign of Yoshiko doing the same thing either. A brilliant idea struck Yoshiko—although she has been doing this for the longest time now—and it’s to avoid the two people trying their best to approach her. It took everything in Yō to not die from Yoshiko’s foolishness.

At least they can go home earlier than expected. Yes, _expected_. Because Yō thought Yoshiko would have the guts to approach Hanamaru and Ruby now, it’s useless hoping for something that’ll probably never happen. They have to now execute Plan B: if Yoshiko won’t do it on her own accord, then do it yourself.

And this is how Yoshiko found herself standing in front of a very disappointed Yō. They were in a secluded area, much to Yoshiko’s discomfort but much to Yō’s pleasure. Is Yō going to beat her up? She remembered how Mari told her about that one time when she tried to grab for her boobs but was immediately given karma as a result. This meant that the girl was a force to reckon with. _Oh please no._ This also meant that there was no chance that Yoshiko was going to survive FinalBoss!Yō’s attack. If only Mari told her a way to block her…

“Why do you look so stiff?” Yō’s eyes softened immediately.

Yoshiko regretted having to imagine everything else up to this moment.

“I’m not going to beat you up like Mari said, you know. Was that what you were thinking about?”

“Wait, how’d you know—“

“It’s because I’m a spirit!” Yō grinned but turned serious after. “Anyway, us second-years noticed some awkward tension between you three. It wouldn’t be good if you three ended up fighting and then leaving not only Aqours, but also our friend circle. It wouldn’t hurt you, but everyone else. Losing a friend hurts.

“Now what exactly happened to you three?”

Silence. Yoshiko remembered what happened with her mother. This was similar wasn’t it? It was eerily similar, and it made her uncomfortable. She can’t help but feel like she’s disappointed even more people now. She hasn’t really heard that Chika and the rest were trying to help them but now that she does, there was that voice in the back of her head saying that she’s failed them. She’s failed Ruby, Hanamaru, Chika, Riko, Yō, and worst of all, her mother. At this point it wouldn’t be a far fetch to add her father into the mix.

Yō frowned, surely Yoshiko was blaming herself again. How many times has she seen that look on Yoshiko’s face? _I knew this would happen_.

Yoshiko was the opposite of Yō. Yoshiko preferred to stay by the sidelines instead of stepping into the spotlight. She stayed indoors, it was safer there. Yoshiko was hesitant, shy, everything Yō wasn’t. And yet Yō found it weird how Yoshiko is her mirror. A reflection of her current self, a figure of what she is, the mirror showing what’s within.

Yoshiko is Yō’s opposite but there is one thing that these two had in common: they’ll never admit if they’re being eaten alive. Even if the void sucks them in and takes them as its own, not a single sound will be heard from their mouth.

“When Riko transferred here, I felt jealous when Chika kept bouncing to her. I always told myself that Riko’s from the city and Chika is just curious. I know I was. Riko’s pretty, she’s talented, and she’s…a good person overall. I thought Chika was going to replace me with her. She’s way better than me. I thought Chika didn’t want to be my best friend anymore. I thought that since she’s so insistent on making Riko her new closest friend, how long was she waiting to replace me?

“I avoided them, I went home immediately. I never tried to get in between them. Besides, Chika hasn’t cut ties with me yet. If she won’t do it _now_ , then I’ll do it. And that’s what I did. In the end, Chika just wanted to be helpful. In a place where everyone is already on a first-name basis, it’s difficult to fit in. I felt stupid. I created a situation that never even existed. I hurt us three because of it. I felt even more stupid when all along they were trying to help me. They thought something was wrong, _they knew_ , but I avoided them because I’m a dimwit like that.

“Fighting or having a misunderstanding with your friends hurts. Avoiding the problem thinking that it will fix itself soon doesn’t help. It leaves you in suspense. You become the prisoner instead of being the warden. You’ll eventually lose everything you once cherished. I almost had that, and I would’ve been so scared if that happened…

“Waiting will only strain your friendship, and everything that’s strained will soon break. I’ll be serious with you Yoshiko, it’s either all of you apologize and become friends again, or risk everything. Do you want to lose them, or do you want them to keep them?”

“Why do all of you care?”

Yoshiko glared at Yō. “It’s not _my_ fault that they want Yohane back! She’s simply an…act! Do you know how difficult it is to go around and see people give you this weird…stare? They say I’m interesting, but I’m not falling for their lies. Do you know how scary it is to act? Do you know how tiring it is? It’s so tiring to be someone when the only response they’re going to give you is a laugh. It stings. They’re laughing at _you_. Did you know that Yoshiko? No one laughs with you. They’re laughing _at_ you.

“And when you think you’ve found light again, you realized it’s just a bulb. It’s nothing compared to the darkness swallowing you. People think all because they _think_ they’re better than someone, they immediately become their stepping stone! Ha, I was so innocent back then. When dad was alive, he’d tell me that I was special. I was destined for greatness!” Yoshiko gave a soft laugh and her eyes softened. “But in this world, special is another word for _eccentric_. Another word for _outcast_. Another word for _Yoshiko_. Being special isn’t fun. Being special simply means thinking you’ve conquered a mountain when you only finished climbing a hill. Everyone will mock you for it. They’ll call you _stupid_.

“I’m stupid I know. I know arguing with my friends wasn’t the greatest decision. I’m stupid, I’ve accepted that so long ago.”

“Yohane isn’t stupid. Most of all, _you’re not stupid_.”

“You know I’m right when I say this. Yohane is not just made for _fun_. She’s the reason why you’ve come this far. All the problems that were stacking were weighing you down but through Yohane, you were able to throw them out the window. She was how you shined. She was the sun to your moon. Yohane was everything you weren’t but you achieved so much with her. You’ve grown so much because of her. It’s not worth it Yoshiko. It’s not worth it to destroy something for the sake of others. Would you agree if I gave up diving because someone didn’t like it?”

“…Of course not.”

“See? Besides, Yohane is an inspiration to many. She brings a smile to many when they’re down. There is a reason why they watch your livestreams. This is how you leave your mark. Yohane is what you’ll leave the world when you finally go back to the heavens. You’re already making an impact, a _good_ one. It’s better to complete the maze than to stop mid-way.”

Yō was relieved to see that it wasn’t that late yet, knowing her parents are waiting for her. Before bidding goodbye, she hugged Yoshiko tightly.

“If it makes you feel any better, I’ll love you no matter what you do and no matter who you are.”

With a smile, the girl headed home.


	5. (YouShiko)

_“It’s nice to be beside you rather than behind.”_

 

When you don’t notice, time can skip by. For Yō, this was the case. It was a nice day today, she smiled, all the more reason to be happy!  Aqours decided to hang out after school as well, from a first glance, it seems like any other gathering party. Yō already knew the reason though, it was to get another chance for the first years to get together. It goes without saying that neither will try to make up during the weekend (Yō doesn’t know Chika will try to get those three to get together again).

The events that happened recently hit her like a truck. She remembered telling Yoshiko that she’d _love her no matter what_. Immediately, although there was no one watching, she walked rigidly, embarrassed. She faced down and tried to rush her way to school, if anyone were to see her like this, they’d freak. Not that it was rare to see Yō embarrassed, but since her ‘fan club’ would do anything to make her seem so (in a good way), they would tell her how cute she looked. Unluckily for them, Yō wasn’t in the right mood to be bothered.

She didn’t care if they fussed over her if she were honest. It was quite exhilarating and sometimes she can see Chika staring them down from somewhere. Apparently, those fangirls aren’t allowed to be close to her Yō (but Chika doesn’t see her as a romantic interest). Her best friend laughed, seeing as how Chika was easily jealous.

There were other times where they got irritating, but she’d never admit it. When she doesn’t want to be messed with, she leads them to the third-years classroom (specifically where Kanan is) and makes her own fan club swoon over how muscled Kanan looked. When both girls are in the clear, Kanan would glare at Yō but Yō would only laugh. Those two have a big fanbase both in and outside Aqours but the two have yet to know the reason why.

Wiping the embarrassment of her face (if that was possible), she continued to walk towards school, noticing how she’s getting closer and how she might get spotted. Not too far ahead, Chika and Riko were walking together. Yō caught up to them, giving them their usual greeting then going to school together.

* * *

 

Yoshiko decided to find Yō today. She planned on apologizing to Zuramaru today, but she needed someone to be with. As she gathered her things, a familiar touch tapped her on the shoulder.

“Yoshiko…?”

Yoshiko raised her eyebrows, not saying a word. She could feel the tension and it was making her uncomfortable. Just the sight of Ruby and Hanamaru already made her nervous (and guilty), but the fact that Ruby was even speaking to her was beyond anything she can comprehend. Did Ruby have the same idea as Yoshiko did? _Oh no_ , Yoshiko thought, _she’ll beat me to it. She’s not even at fault for anything! It was all—_

“Do you want to sit with us? Um…you’re always welcome though! If you ever want to…we’ll just be here…” Yoshiko was confused at first but understood what Ruby was offering. Even though she wasn’t friends with Ruby as long as Ruby had been with Hanamaru, it was obvious that this was Ruby’s way of bringing them back together.

Despite the offer, Yoshiko felt compelled to refuse. “Um…sorry, hehe, I have something to do with Yō today. Maybe…some other time I guess?”

“Oh.” A flash of sadness showed in Ruby’s eyes and it took everything in Yoshiko to not react on impulse. _Not now_. “Okay…have a nice meal Yoshiko…!” There was an eerie feeling as Yoshiko left, she silently hoped that the gods above would spare her soul. She didn’t want to die by the hands of an angry Ruby. Zuramaru was strong as well, and oh god she doesn’t even want to _think_ about how much damage Dia can do.

Now on to her quest on finding Yō, she should be with Chika and Riko today. She was always with them, those three are inseparable. They were like triplets. Thanks to that though, Yoshiko was able to easily find her friend. Those three were truly inseparable, Yoshiko sighed, and it’s all thanks to them resolving their troubles. Yō learned to share her best friend, Chika learned to not ignore the friends she’s had from the start and, well…Riko was the victim. Or, if Yoshiko switched her perspective, Riko was the ‘advice-giver’, remembering how Yō told her about Riko calling her.

She spotted Yō immediately, her hair color was quite unique, so it was easy to see her. Those three were just about to sit down when Yō noticed Yoshiko, she didn’t know what the girl said but she saw Yō say something to her friends before nearing her. It was nothing that she was concerned about. There was a hopeful glint in Yō’s eyes, as if she was expecting something from Yoshiko.

Too bad, Yoshiko knew what the girl was expecting and sadly, nothing has changed. “I haven’t apologized to them yet.”

“And?”

“I’m still avoiding them…” Yoshiko looked down, like she was being scolded by her mother. Yō has never looked nor felt so disappointed before, Yoshiko can tell, she can feel it. You don’t have to always look at the physical appearance to know its inner self.

Yō collected herself, finding the words that she couldn’t say earlier. She held Yoshiko’s chin and made her look at her straight in the eye. Yoshiko still had a downcast look, Yō noticed, so she smiled, in hopes that Yoshiko would return it. She did, and Yō couldn’t help but feel butterflies go around in her stomach.

“If you want, I can go with you.” Yoshiko seemed to relax but she didn’t say anything. It was obvious that Yoshiko was keen on doing this. “Okay, we’re doing this after we eat. We still have a few minutes to spare after all.”

“Um—!” Yoshiko rubbed the back of her head, a gesture Yō hasn’t seen the girl do. “Can we do this after school ends? There’ll be less…pressure that way.”

There was a short pause before Yō nodded, giving her a thumbs-up before going back to the other two. Before Yoshiko left the cafeteria, she could feel Yō giving her this intense…glare. It was the scariest one Yoshiko had ever seen and she shuddered, giving a shaky smile while proceeding to walk away slowly. This was the most out-of-character thing Yō has ever done to her, nothing can beat this. Riko and Chika could only see the frightened expression on their underclassman’s face rather than their friend giving the scariest face she could ever give. The students around them wondered if a fight was going to start because of it (it was all cleared up in the end though so no worries).

* * *

 

Yoshiko had yet to eat. Although she wouldn’t mind skipping, since she might as well eat at home.

She passed by her classroom and conveniently saw Ruby and Hanamaru eating together. She contemplated if she should apologize now since later Yō would be there and if things followed through she’d be more embarrassed than thankful.

She forgot how long she was standing there, since Ruby has caught her again. A smile invited her in, but Yoshiko could feel steel doors blocking her way out. As much as Yoshiko wanted to leave, she promised her that this was the day that everything will stop. She will apologize and become friends with Ruby and Hanamaru once more. That was the plan for today, and Yoshiko is willing to pursue this.

She sat down, opening her lunchbox and started to eat. Yoshiko may have the intention of apologizing right now, but she doesn’t know how to do it, and this is where her journey ends.

From time to time Ruby would say something to get the ball rolling, starting with stuff such as: “have you two seen Saint Snow’s new song today?” but every single one of her efforts were met with the silence that was winning them over. Yoshiko then thought that it would’ve been better if Yō was here. She’s a fool for thinking she can do this on her own. At least if Yō were here, she’d have her encouragement. She’d know what to say and when she stumbled, Yō would be right behind, supporting her. She can even imagine her giggling if Yoshiko tripped on her words. Now, she has to force the words stuck in the back of her mind. She’s alone.

—

You’re not.

—

Hanamaru’s mouth opened, for the first time Yoshiko made eye contact with her. _She’s going to apologize first, isn’t she?_ _Wait no! No, no, no, I must be first—_ “I’m sorry!” Yoshiko stood up, surprising Ruby and Hanamaru. Her voice was kept to a minimum, she didn’t want the few other classmates in the room to be giving them looks.

“I’m sorry, I’m _really_ sorry. I should’ve opened up to you, I shouldn’t have dealt with it all by myself. I’m sorry. It’s just that I’ve never really had friends before and…I always believed that I’m a burden so if I put my troubles to others they’d think lower of me. My dad always called me special but I’m nothing of the sort. Besides, who would want to deal with a problem that I’ve been dealing with since the beginning? _If she can stay up for this long, she’s better off taking care of her troubles herself_.

“I also want to apologize for slapping you, Zuramaru. I didn’t know what came over me and I just—Is your cheek okay?”

“We’re on speaking terms again zura! That’s enough for me.” Hanamaru smiled and pulled Yoshiko into a hug, which lasted more than needed but that didn’t matter. “I’m sorry as well, Yoshiko.”

“Huh? No, no! It’s okay!”

“Yoshiko.”

“Okay, okay, I forgive you.”

The three laughed and continued with their lunch. Yoshiko couldn’t help herself but smile, she hasn’t felt this happy in weeks.

Is this the effect having friends do to you? If it is, Yoshiko is sure as hell glad.

* * *

 

School’s over, the time where Yō and Yoshiko was supposed to go together and apologize. The three agreed to walk with each other before they part ways. Yoshiko was in front, Hanamaru and Ruby following close by. There was still no sign of her Yohane shtick but that will be dealt with another day. Now, they’ll focus on themselves. They’ll focus on filling in the blanks. For once, they’ll set their problems aside and live care-free.

“Yoshiko…!” The girl in question turned around and saw Yō, along with Chika and Riko, behind them. The three of them had a large grin, especially Yō. It even looked like she was going to cry. Yoshiko snickered. “Yō, you’re not my mom.”

“But I’m so proud of you!” Yō launched herself to Yoshiko, causing Yoshiko to stumble and fall because of Yō’s weight. “You’re a big girl now!”

“What?! Yō!” Yoshiko shoved the girl off of her and everyone else burst into laughter. She looked around, noticing some people were absent. “Where are the others?”

“Ah, they went ahead since Mari dragged them off to the movies.”

“And she didn’t even invite us?!”

“Riko, I think you said that wrong.” Chika giggled. “Mari’s going to buy movies for us to watch! So, call your parents and tell them you’re sleeping over at my house tonight!”

It was sudden, but Yoshiko didn’t mind. Her mother wouldn’t be home today, so that’s more than enough reason to go to Chika’s house.

Thinking about it, the three second years looked like parents. Yō was her mom, Chika was Ruby’s mom, and Riko was Zuramaru’s mom.

“What did you say Yocchan?”

Did she say that out loud? “N-Nothing!”

Yō laughed, Chika giggled, and Riko gave her this…intense…stare?

It was all fun and games until Hanamaru had this large smirk on her face. “Hey Yō.”

“Hm?”

“Did you know that after Yoshiko apologized, she kept saying your—“ “Shut it Zuramaru! Nobody needs to know about it!”

Everyone else can’t help but feel like Yoshiko’s slightly referencing something. They didn’t know what she was referring to, the girl had weird interests, but they loved her anyway. Chika, on the other hand, was really happy. At least her plan worked, her three wonderful underclassmen are friends again. What more could she ask for?

She was about to tell Yō something when she caught the girl smiling and looking at…Yoshiko? Of course Chika wouldn’t make smiling at someone such a big deal but there was something off that the girl can’t help but stare as well.

For the oblivious Yō, she was happy. They didn’t have to do an extra hangout anymore. _They’re grow up so fast_ , Yō thought, _but I’m okay with that_. What counted was that they were all happy.

Yoshiko and the others were happier now, and there’s the smile Yō loves to see on Yoshiko’s face.

Wait…love?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao hamilton reference (edited because it looks horrible honestly)
> 
> and whatttt ive never written and finished a chapter this fast before  
> if i can write chapters within a day id be blessed
> 
> and as always, this chap was not beta-read nor edited since im too lazy to wait and i need to get this out **now**


	6. Yoshiko Tsushima: to fly without the fear of falling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're here. So this was supposed to be a chapter about You and Yoshiko dealing with their feelings about each other but it turned another way and honestly I'm okay with it. It's also kind of short, but I think it's good enough.
> 
> If there are any errors, I'm sorry. I still have to get used to editing my stories now haha
> 
> Also, we're nearing the end. If everything goes as planned I have at least 2-3 chapters left to write.
> 
> I want to thank everyone in advance for reading this, albeit short. And also everyone who waited patiently with my so-not-consistent updates, thank you.
> 
> Have a good day!

There was something about Yoshiko that made Yō’s stomach do somersaults and do gymnastic stunts she couldn’t pull off. The way she flashes her fallen angel pose when she wanted their attention. The way she got flustered when Hanamaru teased her. The way she said many words that Yō couldn’t even understand. It felt weird.

She loved Yoshiko.

…

…

…

That sounded weirder than she expected it to be. She has always said that she loved Chika, what made this one any different? Was it because the name was different? Was it because just hearing Yoshiko’s name sent Yō’s brain into a spiral of thoughts of emotions that didn’t happen when she was around Chika? Maybe she truly loved Yoshiko, she just didn’t want to accept it.

No, no, no, that can’t be. Sure, they’re close and all. They play around together with Mari, but that’s with Mari. If she fell for Yoshiko, wouldn’t have she do the same for Mari too?

Too complicated to think about… Yō sighed.

It wasn’t that she didn’t _want_ to like Yoshiko. She was scared that maybe, if her feelings were true, it would never be returned. Maybe she’ll be laughed at, saying how foolish she is for falling for someone like her. Maybe Yoshiko would cut off relations with her. Maybe Yoshiko would belittle herself because she would say that Yō deserves better and not someone as worthless, as useless, and as boring as her.

(It was scary to think that someone so enthusiastic about everything thought nothing of themselves but a hollow statue)

Yō paused, _are you serious right now? You seriously can’t be afraid of rejection from a friend because you only like her physical attributes… Seriously Yō?_ Besides, commitment is something that she wanted to put on hold. She had a world to explore and opportunities to discover. She had friends to find and hobbies to entertain her. Yō had a whole life ahead of her! Getting into a relationship should be the least of her worries (considering how many potential partners she’s been getting).

She always encouraged others to run towards their dream but for now, Yō had no intent to run. She wanted to take a break and relax. She wanted to walk. She wanted to have a stable job and a stable life before jumping into anything that might ruin them.

(It’s funny how Yō immediately thinks of Yoshiko when imagining having a stable life and job with a partner. It’s funny, but not in a ‘haha’ sort of way)

But Yō welcomed her feelings in, she embraced them and let them slowly be a part of her. As much as she fought against it, she still found herself falling. Yoshiko was a great friend and anyone who would date her, literally anyone, would be insanely blessed.

Why would they be blessed? Well, Yoshiko was many things. She was weird, entertaining, kind, and enjoyable to be with. She would always find a way to cheer you up when you’re down. She was like a shield to the defenseless, taking hits that she didn’t even need to take. Yoshiko was selfless, always throwing herself in front of others if it meant less harm would be made. Yoshiko was willing to sacrifice everything she had for the people that she loves. She was willing to give up everything for the person that she loves.

But Yoshiko was also human. She will make mistakes. She will crash. She will stutter. She will cry. She will toss and turn in her sleep, wake up panting, wake up feeling alone. Wake up feeling something’s missing. She’ll reach out and not feel anything reaching back.

People will tease her, mock her. They’ll tell her that in this world, it’s you vs the world. Either you die fighting for someone or you live for yourself.

But Yoshiko? Yoshiko will smile, tell them there is nothing that makes her happier than helping the people she loves.

To become a better person, you must look on your mistakes. Pick up your lessons and walk on.

(Her dad would be so proud)

 

Yoshiko was a godsend, literally. She was the epitome of a fallen angel she said. She brought nothing but bad luck to those around her, she said. She was better off not bringing Yohane up, she said. They had so much time in life to explore the world, she said.

_“There’s no need to spend that time on me.” Yoshiko smiled._

 

But Yoshiko you don’t understand, do you? The reason Aqours is like this, is because you’re in it. The reason why we’ve come this far, is because you’re in it. The reason we’ve conquered every obstacle is because you’re here. The reason why we’re all here, is because fate brought us here and there’s nothing you can do to change it.

And the reason why I love you so much that it hurts, it’s because you’re you.

 

“I want to be the reason why you smile, Yoshiko.”

 

Yohane was an act. A figment of imagination that came into reality. A way to cope with the feeling of loss. A way to keep herself entertained with the idea of having her father standing right beside her. A way to relive a memory that doesn’t really exist.

 

Yoshiko was weak. She had nothing special to her really, just a charming smile and a selfless attitude. Yoshiko could dance, she could sing, she could also freeze when suddenly confronted. But she was a girl who was stripped of her father. She was a girl who wanted to cry. She was a child.

A child who wanted to know the feeling of flying in the sky without the fear of falling.

A child who sought out the meaning of having friends and had the blast of a lifetime along the way.

A child who wanted nothing more than to be accepted and got what she wanted in the end.

 

Yoshiko’s story is one of hardships, loss, friendship, and pride.

 

Her dad always said that she was special and that she was destined for greatness, after all.

* * *

 

**Next**

**Yō Watanabe: to land on both feet, unscathed**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmu on tumblr: aethurankr if you want to chat or anything!
> 
> If that last line sounds weird (which I know it will without context so please reread You and Yoshiko's argument (Ch. 4) if you're confused), it's really supposed to be like that. I didn't leave a glaring mistake there.


	7. Yō Watanabe: to land on both feet, unscathed

Yō was someone Yoshiko could rely on. Someone who she could trust her secrets with. Someone who would wouldn’t mind her tears soaking her shirt. Yō was kind, she never gave up, she never gave in. Yō pulled people into activities and make them comfortable. It was her thing, she said. She hated seeing people be sad.

_“Life is too short to be sad.”_

Chika might have been the one to think of starting an idol group, but it was Yō who boosted her forward to asking Dia. It was Yō who supported her from the start who launched Chika into this irreplaceable experience. It was because the girl who was there for her ever since the beginning which was why Chika became the person she is today. Yoshiko might be a fallen angel but sometimes she believes that miracles can happen from the simplest things.

Yō was caring. She made sure everyone was okay and no one was feeling uneasy. During performances she would motivate everyone when even Chika was nervous, that was Yō. Even if she couldn’t breathe from how nervous she was, even if her heart was threatening to stop beating and it was the only thing she could hear amongst everyone’s voices, even if she too was stuck in both being excited and anxious, Yō would make sure everyone was okay.

She charged ahead when Chika was too overwhelmed to continue.

Yō was amazing. She could swerve in and out of dangerous situations. She was able to divert unwanted attention away from anyone. She was able to make friends easily, they fall for her charms too fast (or, Yoshiko thinks, she’s just friendly). Among Aqours, Yō was one of the popular girls. Of course, everyone had their own fan base and they were pretty much equal but not everything will be the same. Some girls might have slightly more fans than the others, that was Yō. She was always in the spotlight.

(Yoshiko asked Yō about this. She said it gets exhausting)

But Yō wasn’t all smiles. She wasn’t always welcoming. She wasn’t always kind. She wasn’t always caring. Yō was insecure, she’s scared, she’s selfish. She didn’t want to give Chika away and she had to learn that she needed to share. She didn’t want to be left behind and created a situation that never really existed. She pushed Riko and Chika away once, for she was envious of their friendship blossoming so fast even if they weren’t with her.

Yō was scared when someone would leave her. Maybe it related to her father, Chika said. He was always away and Yō would patiently wait for him to return. It wasn’t that he didn’t, but when a promise is constantly broken you start to lose hope; and one day you’ll forget that promise ever existing.

Yō loved the ocean. She was like Kanan, their deep love for the ocean led them discovering parts of it you wouldn’t normally see. Yō was fascinated by it, but what she loved more than the ocean was boats. She wanted to follow her dad’s footsteps (it was a selfish wish, but Yō wondered if she could sail the seas with her dad’s crew).

Yō was an optimist. She looked at the bright side and cheered herself up that way. There’s no use worrying over something since at least everything has its’ good sides!

(There were tears rolling down her cheek. Yō was in bed, reading a convo from her, Chika, and Riko telling her how they would never leave her behind)

But people make mistakes and they too hit the ground. Sometimes the parachute doesn’t open, sometimes the gun fires, sometimes the words cut deeper than a knife could ever do.

She remembers arguing with Riko and Chika. She was really upset. She told them something about how she felt hurt, but she couldn’t remember exactly what she was hurt about. The whole memory was fuzzy, only the emotions remained. The fear, the anger, the longing. It was all there. But there was one thing that Yō remembered so vividly.

It was when she yelled at them, yelled at how angry she was. Yelled at them because they were leaving her behind. Yelled at them because, Yō didn’t know any better. Everything was dark, and everything was nearing its end. Yō and the others would go up a grade (and they would soon graduate). Aqours would disband, the first years would have other things to attend to, her other two friends would leave her behind. The swim team wouldn’t be the same without Kanan. Yō was insecure, carrying an imaginary weight that eventually materialized.

(Yō cried so much when Riko and Chika just hugged her)

Yō carries the weight even if you don’t want her to. She’ll overanalyze situations and get herself into trouble. She’ll care too much, then she’ll get taken advantage of. She’ll think too much of how to care for others that one day, she’ll forget how to care for herself.

Yō was weird. She loved going ‘full speed ahead’. That was her motto. In bad times or in good, run towards the goal you’re working for, she said. If you believe in yourself, nothing can go wrong!

Chika and Riko were really worried for Yō when she started distancing herself. Chika already knew what’s happening yet all she could do was watch. Yō was stubborn and needed a lot of convincing that there was nothing wrong between the three of them. No one was being left behind, no one was being ignored. They couldn’t blame her though, but as the same time, Chika had to find some way to make Yō understand that not every time her attention will be on her.

Riko felt guilty, thinking that it’s her fault that Yō’s acting this way. Chika assured her that it’s okay while seeing that Yō headed to the pool.

There was no one there, why was she going there?

(Chika’s hand almost hit Yō’s cheek, having been stopped by Riko)

 

Yō noticed—found out rather—that the pool was a perfect place to let out everything she was feeling, both irrational and rational. Honestly, she thought that her feeling jealous wasn’t justified. Riko wasn’t set out to steal Chika from her, and Chika wouldn’t leave Yō behind anyway. She knew that she was being dumb, but the reason why she pursued being a school idol was because it was a chance to do something she couldn’t do before.

 

And that was doing something with Chika.

  
You can call it a dream. A simple, childish dream. At least everyone has thought of wanting to accomplish something with a friend. They’re so fun to do and the sense of completing it gave you pride. Once done was a memory you could look back on and laugh at, maybe at how ridiculous the idea was, maybe smile at how grateful you were at doing it. Maybe you’ll hold a picture of you when you were younger and relive it all over again.

(Sometimes reliving the memory brings more pain than happiness)

Chika placed her hand on Yō’s shoulder. She held back a gasp when the glint of Yō’s eyes disappeared. There was always something shining in them, but now it was all artificial. Chika and Riko thought of Yō’s feelings one day, it was valid. It wasn’t irrational, as she said. They made her sit down and forced her to listen. She yelled at them, screamed, she felt so insecure and alone and worried that she’d be left behind.

She described it as the monster that never really existed but was there anyway. Chika wanted to slap Yō, but Riko knew it would only hurt them more. Chika’s voice cracked while talking. She was saying what an idiot Yō was being for thinking that Riko and Chika would have the guts to leave her. It was bold of her to assume that they’d even think about leaving her. Yō was an important friend to both. Yō encouraged Chika to run forward when she couldn’t find a reason to. Yō helped Riko adjust to this place called home. Yō was just as important as everyone else and she isn’t alone.

When Yō told Yoshiko this one day, Yoshiko noticed how happier Yō has become. How expressive she became. Yō showed her feelings more, sometimes she wore it on her sleeve when around them. It’s amazing how much a person can change when you reassure them how much they matter.

Yō was one of them.

 

She was falling but because of her friends, she landed safely on the ground.

 

Yoshiko smiled, opening the door for Yō.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I added a scene where You, Chika, and Riko 'fought'. It appeared twice and yes that was intentional. I really ran over the same scene twice.
> 
> Anyhow, that last line means there will be more chapters to come. Okay then, this isn't going as planned. There isn't an outline anymore since I threw it away. Rip me and I wish the next chapters the best of luck.
> 
> Also, the last line is supposed to be taken literally, just in case anyone will be confused. I was when I read it.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1k words... It's kinda low for a last chap and probably riddled with errors but...hah I have no time.

Yō looked beautiful, was what Yoshiko thought when her friend went through the door. They were going to play video games today, like usual. The other girls aren’t that into it, sadly. It was up to them what they wanted to play but usually Yō takes the lead, despite Yoshiko being the one who knew more choices than her. Not that it’d matter, all Yoshiko was to spend time with her friend.

* * *

 

_“I think you should tell her.”_

_“What happens if she doesn’t like me?”_

_“What happens if she does?”_

 

When you love someone, you wish to do an impression on them. Even if they’re someone you’re already close to, even if you know that whatever you do weird they wouldn’t judge you. There’s always a voice in the back of your head telling you to act funny, act natural, act smooth. Be the best you can be because no one wants their love thinking them to be weird or an incompatible person to be matched up with.

So, whenever Yō made a joke, Yoshiko laughed. The girl wondered if Yō knew she was faking, although Yoshiko was good at it. It wasn’t always a bad thing, since it could cheer people up and create a rainbow after their rain. The sunshine after the storm. The warm welcome after the frowns and sighs. A home that you never thought you’d find. That was Yoshiko’s new goal in life: to be able to bring smiles to the needy. She wanted to be the person someone was for her.

Maybe, if you dug a little deeper, you would know that Yoshiko wanted to become who she will be because of Yō. Yō was very independent and even Chika had difficulties reaching out to her when it comes to the girl’s emotions. Yō was always distant with her emotions, always keeping them behind closed doors.

Today, that would change. That was if Yoshiko could find the courage to confess of course.

 

_“Lily, what do you think?”_

_“You love Yō very much, don’t you?”_

_“…Yeah!”_

_“Then you know your answer.”_

Yoshiko loved being with Yō. Her company was so soothing and welcoming that she’d rather stay by the girl’s side whenever. She would always entertain Yoshiko, she would always play around with her. Yō would give her butterflies in her stomach and she’d feel like an unstable paper plane flying through the wind. The older girl would sometimes treat her as a younger kid and not that it ticked Yoshiko off, but she can’t help but laugh in slight irritation. She wasn’t _that_ young.

Family was a word Yoshiko has only come to understand now. Her mother was a parent, but she didn’t know if she was family. Being with your family was supposed to make you feel happy, relaxed, and eased of worry. The only thing that came to mind when Yoshiko saw her mother was a parent who did her best, and it did nothing to remove Yoshiko’s lingering pity. She loved her mother but there was always tension living in their house whenever it was the two of them. Eating meals together was a pain.

Fallen angel. When her father died, this was her way of coping. Yohane was a fallen angel and whenever Yoshiko was her she felt in control. She felt in control of everything Yoshiko didn’t. She felt in control with what’s happening, with her emotions, and most of all, herself. It didn’t matter if others bullied her, it didn’t matter if it stuck to her head like post-it notes. As long as she could get through the end of the day without crying, that was enough for her. Yohane was a persona she never realized would play a big part in her later years, but now, Yohane was just as important as herself.

Yoshiko has noticed this and has invited Yohane to stay.

She accepted.

Love was a foreign concept. She has felt her mother’s love and father’s love but there was always a hidden feeling. It wasn’t truly what Yoshiko wanted. She wanted to be loved not because she was funny, not because she was cool. Not because she seemed entertaining. Yoshiko wanted to be loved because she was herself. For Yoshiko, there was no point in committing yourself to a person when you only like a part of them. You must learn to love _them_.

Now, back to Yō. She was perfect. Yeah, that was her. Yō Watanabe was everything Yoshiko wanted to be and is looking for. She wanted to be noticed, she wanted to have friends, she wanted to be loved. Yō was amazing. She is helpful, strong, and kind. Even if she’s insecure, she masked it with a smile.

 

_“You know Yoshiko, you and Yō are more similar than you think.”_

 

_“Yeah! I’ve noticed!”_

 

But maybe that’s why she found Yō so perfect. They say that the person you love is your other half but to be honest, Yoshiko disagrees. You are whole, and the person you love is just as whole as you are. But together, you are a new force. You aren’t one person, but two great people making a change in the other’s lives.

Love is complicated, but it is a wonderful feeling. It’s watching them do silly things and fall in love all over again from how dorky they look. It’s talking to them and seeing them ramble on a topic that they absolutely adore. It’s noticing them agree to whatever you want since they love seeing you so happy. It’s dragging them to places that they haven’t seen before.

Love is, for Yoshiko, a journey. You will have your ups and downs but once you reach your destination you will remember how much fun you have had. That’s love. It’s a journey that’s meant to be done together. It’s also the rainbow after the storm. It’s the light that keeps you warm and the darkness that keeps you in place. It’s everything you want and there’s nothing more you can ask for.

* * *

 

“I—”

 

Yō paused the game and listened as the words came out of Yoshiko’s mouth.

 

Yoshiko was nervous after saying it what she got was a sweet and soft “I love you too”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy I'm not crying while posting this. It's been 7 months since the first chapter and I'm surprised. :open_mouth:
> 
> This is one of the multi-chaps I can be proud of and for me that's what I always aim for: a story that I can hold up high and call it mine. Maybe in a few years I'll look back on this and cringe on how badly written some parts might be but for now, I'll just... I don't know, keep it and smile at how much effort I've spent. That sounds weird to say, considering how I don't really think I've spent enough effort than I should've. Regardless, the feedback I received was incredible and I can't thank all of you enough for what you guys gave me.
> 
> I don't bear too many personal attachments with this story but one I can relate to, like many others, is fitting in. I think of myself as quite shy and would rather not speak till necessary. But as time went on, I found myself a group of friends I can rest my shoulder on and confide to them problems that trouble me, a joke that will get a laugh (or a light hit to the head), or a story that will last a lifetime. I hope that all of you can find friends like that too and if you have, keep them. Friends are one of the greatest gifts we can get and we're lucky if we can find true ones. Please don't let them go.
> 
> For each and every one of you who decided to give this story a read, whether it be for the terrible slow burn (that I have yet to be adequate with, I hope this story's ending didn't disappoint you too much), or my always-going-off-track plot of Yoshiko realizing what it means to have friends who will accept you for who you are and will do anything to make you happy. I'm happy you decided to stop by.
> 
> Thank you. Thank you thank you thank you. I love each and every one of you, for every comment, kudos, or bookmark. Hell even for something as simple as a hit. Thank you, I cannot express how much joy I feel just seeing people recognize something I worked for. The joy I feel from seeing people comment their thoughts or leaving a kudos. Thank you. As a writer, words are everything but now, words are the last thing that can describe how I feel right now.
> 
> We've reached 1000 hits as well. I was really surprised and happy! I'd go on another spree with me saying "thank you" but at this point I think all of you get the point already.
> 
> I also want to thank my friends for hearing me out complaining how "I haven't updated and it's been x months already hhhhhhh" or how "I wanna write but I don't have motivation/am procrastinating" because it's nice to get those feelings off your chest every once and a while and for that I thank you and hopefully none of you get that pissed off if I do the same thing over and over and over again because multi-chaps are my thing yo.
> 
> (If you wanna complain too or just talk about anything in general, I gladly offer you my time and my ears. I think it's the least I can do :>)
> 
> Anyhow, thank you so much for following this story from the start to its end. Even if you were here from the start or got on the train halfway through its trip, thank you. I wouldn't have done this without you.
> 
> Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
> 
> Continue to shine!
> 
> Kai x


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